


Best Served Cold

by Wizard_Of_Az



Series: Rough Trade Prompt Responses [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, F/M, Revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 03:36:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8312479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wizard_Of_Az/pseuds/Wizard_Of_Az
Summary: The only things keeping Hermione Granger from becoming the next great super villain was her sense of fair play and her spandex allergy. This did not preclude her from being brilliant at the art of revenge.
Response to the "revenge" prompt at the Rough Trade Forum. Could be seen as a sequel to "Cave of Wonders" but can stand alone.





	

Harry Potter had not always known what real friendship was. How could he when he was never allowed to experience friendship growing up? So it was perhaps understandable that it took him a few years to realize his supposed “best mate” was really nothing of the sort.

Looking back though, it was easy to see. The jealousy, the way he alienated anyone else that tried to get close to him. Starting with how he reacted to Draco Malfoy on the train. Yes, at 11-years-old Draco had been a bit of a spoiled brat, but Harry had to think that a lot of the troubles between them wouldn't exist if he had just shook Draco's hand when it was offered.

Then there was the way he treated Hermione. From insulting her for daring to be better than he was in class to his constantly making fun of her for wanting to do well in her studies, Ron had done all he could to try to marginalize Hermione's influence in Harry's life.

Which was just monumentally stupid. The only things keeping Hermione Granger from turning into a super villain was her sense of fair play and her allergy to spandex bodysuits. Anger her at your own risk because you'd be better off wearing bacon pants while lounging in Fluffy's mouth than you would against Hermione's wrath.

On her own she was terrifyingly vindictive, but when you add in the potions expertise of Fred and George, Dobby's enthusiasm, the Herbology knowledge of Neville, and Luna's ability to think so far outside the box that you became convinced that boxes were actually a myth, well then, Ron was just not going to have a good day. 

Fred’s research into the properties of gillyweed had borne unexpected benefits. Apparently when powdered fresh water gillyweed was added to Dreamless Sleep and chilled, not only did it greatly increase the potion’s effectiveness. It also increased the addictive nature of the potion, caused vivid hallucinations, and made the person extremely susceptible to suggestion on par with the imperious, but without the glassy-eyed appearance.

Since revenge was indeed a dish best served cold, the new potion had been added to the iced desserts Professor Snape favored, as well as Ron’s pumpkin juice. After two weeks of the potion, and Dobby popping Luna by their beds nightly to whisper suggestions it was time.

Harry was sitting with the others at breakfast when Luna skipped over and passed out Spectre Specs to each of them before sitting between Neville and Harry and helping herself to a scotch egg.

“I adjusted the Specs to show us what our test subjects are hallucinating about in addition to showing the fae creatures Daddy writes about. Plus I figure seeing all of you wearing them might increase their popularity a bit.”

They all looked a bit bemused as they put on the rather wild looking glasses. Somehow the rhinestone bedecked glasses looked cool on the Weasley twins and rather dignified on Hermione so Harry and Neville just shrugged and put theirs on. It was rather unnerving at first to see strange creatures scurrying or flying about but they rapidly got used the the phenomena by the time Ron wandered in to start stuffing his face with a cloud of small brightly colored animals hovering around his head.

“Wrackspurts.” Was Luna’s whispered explanation.

George was the first to spot Snape barreling toward their table. “Greasy bat, incoming.”

No one was quite prepared for what happened next.

Snape stopped behind Ron, wrapped his arms around his torso and jerked him from the bench. To most of the students and staff it must have looked like the Professor was checking Ron’s shirt for contraband and possibly trying to bite the teen’s neck for blood.

Those who were wearing their Spectre Specs instead saw Snape groping the breasts of a suddenly female and shapely Ron Weasley while licking and kissing his neck.

“My flame-haired beauty you have returned to me!” Snape gasped out in between horrible slurping noises as he clumsily tried to suck a hickey onto Ron’s neck.

“ACK!” Was Ron’s rather startled response to that.

He flailed around wildly before he managed to hit Snape in the face with his head. The nose broke with a sickening crack and Ron was released as the Professor needed both hands to staunch the flow of blood.

Ron spun around to see who grabbed him and now the Specs revealed his hallucination. A giant spider now stood there in Snapes robes.

The resulting scream from the redheaded menace reached a pitch only audible to bats before he grabbed up a tray of sausage and began pummeling Spider-Snape over the head with it.

“I WON’T TAP DANCE!!! I WON’T!!! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!!!”

Fred looked confused. “Tap dancing?”

“It’s a long story, but we can fill you in later,” was Neville’s reply.

Ginny screeched before launching herself at her brother.

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM YOU HOME-WRECKING FLOOZY!!! DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH MY MAN!!!”

They all turned to look at Luna who was still calmly eating breakfast.

“The little bitch shouldn’t have tried to slip love potions in Harry’s food,” Luna said with a slightly unhinged smile.

They all nodded frantically as not to be new targets of her ire before turning back to watch the Deputy Headmistress try to break up the fight.

All in all, it was just another boring Thursday morning at Hogwarts.


End file.
